


The Weight On Your Shoulders

by Lephise



Category: Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Brotherly Angst, Brotherly Love, Fights, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Inferiority complexes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-26
Updated: 2018-10-26
Packaged: 2019-08-07 17:37:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16412900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lephise/pseuds/Lephise
Summary: As the eldest brother, Raphael had to be strong. As the smartest brother, Donatello had to be prepared for every possibility.But it wasn’t as if they were always in agreement, far from it. Scavenging tended to be bonding time for the assigned buddy system of the day, as they discussed their cool finds between each other or cried at Splinter when he refused to take something home. But with Donatello, it had equal chance of being quiet as it had of him talking excitedly about his next project coming together in his bright mind. Today, it was a quiet one.[A fanfic about the unspoken frustrations of sibling inferiority complexes.]





	The Weight On Your Shoulders

From a young age, Splinter had taught them that they were apart from the rest of New York. The four of them had each other, and no one else. Splinter reminded them sometimes, that though he would do his best to make them strong, he would not be around forever. Time was a weird concept to them, they judged by the color of the sky whenever clocks they found ran out of batteries, or the watches just decided to stop working. Donatello, ever ready to dismantle things they pick up from the junkyard, searched around the worn machinery and picked up tiny screws, discovering their different sizes, potential purposes, and the need for tools. Sometimes they picked up books and hobby magazines, in various states of disrepair and missing pages. Raphael carried them with determined enthusiasm; he would do anything for his family. Predictably, the one with the longest attention span was the first to read. He assisted with Dad to teach the others, patient, encouraging. Donatello matured extremely quickly, Splinter did not need to reference any of his parenting books to know that.

Raphael, by nature, was doting, protective, concerned, sometimes admitting the opposite with what Dad wanted, wanting his little brothers to stay little for longer. He was on the slower end to adapt to academics along with Michelangelo, but he approached it with sincere effort, compared to Michelangelo’s easy distractions and expressed unwillingness. They were all too small to internalize Splinter’s daily reminders for them to be strong at first, but eventually Michelangelo was the most vocally upset about those reminders they would someday be on their own, while Leo lost all his smiles and shut down for a while. The younger two weren’t emotionally ready for those circumstances. Splinter told them the truth was a bitter pill to swallow, and they had to accept it. Still, he bit his tongue, and stopped mentioning it as often to them as a whole group. Raphael and Donatello, however, looked at each other with an unspoken agreement whenever these talks happened, even at the tender ages of 11 and 10.

As the eldest brother, Raphael had to be strong. As the smartest brother, Donatello had to be prepared for every possibility.

But it wasn’t as if they were always in agreement, far from it. Scavenging tended to be bonding time for the assigned buddy system of the day, as they discussed their cool finds between each other or cried at Splinter when he refused to take something home. But with Donatello, it had equal chance of being quiet as it had of him talking excitedly about his next project coming together in his bright mind. Today, it was a quiet one.

“I’m fine, I can carry this.” In Donnie’s arms, he carried a large box of assorted heavy parts. They could poke at his face and spill over on the floors in the sewers, Raphael comparatively, only had a used skateboard and a couple of worn stuffed animals along with leftovers. He had offered to trade weights the second he saw him, obviously bearing more of the load.

“Donnie, you’re a soft shell, come on. What if you fall over?”

The anger flared up very quickly in Donnie, his eye twitched, he never liked that reminder. It may have been fact, but people always brought it up as if it was a bad thing. That he had to be gentler treated because of how he was born. He knew it was a place of caring, he knew that it had some merit from some distant memory where he hurt himself as a smaller turtle forever ago. But Donatello hated it. He made it very clear he’d rather be treated the same as anyone else. He would have thought that his brothers would know this by now. An ugly part of him quips that it must be because Raphael isn’t as sharp to catch on as the others. He breathed sharply, trying to not outright insult him. Raphael didn’t mean to. Raphael didn’t mean to. He didn’t mean to look down on him.

“I am not falling over.”

“But...”

“Raph, I’m _fine_.” And that tone was so firm and cold, and he moved to try walk past him. Raphael frowned, he was his big brother, he wasn’t about to back down from his responsibility. He blocks his path with the best intentions.

“Listen, Donnie, let me help, I’m the leader and--”

“Oh, we’re pretending leaders don’t mess up and break things now?” Raph faltered, eyes wide.

“I...” He’d already said he was sorry for that. Several times. He had assumed they were okay now. Raphael doesn’t try speaking up again when Donnie walks past him, not meeting his eyes. Donatello felt bad for what he said, momentarily. But Raph deserved that for not getting the hint. He convinced himself of that. Raphael followed shortly behind him, looking to the floor on the way back. The swirls of ugly self-depreciation filled his stomach, he imagines Donnie wrinkling his nose from the musk he released whenever he got stressed. If he didn’t have to be strong, he wished he could have stayed back there until Donnie wanted to look at him. But he does, so his steps back home feel heavier. He hopes Leo and Mikey aren’t perceptive enough to realize they were fighting.

* * *

 

 _“Skaaaateboaaard!”_ Mikey was practically bouncing off the walls at the sight of the gift Raph brought, hugging it in his arms. It was too small for the rest of them, so nobody else could claim dibs. The sight of their baby brother smiling so brightly made Raph feel a little better, it was healing. Fortunately, the ramps Donnie has built were not excessively tall, yet, so broken bones weren’t likely unless via freak accidents like Leo’s... being Leo. Leg in a cast, Leo can only wave from his seat at Raph to come over to him to see what he’s brought. Before he does though, he had to give Mikey the necessary reminder as he lifts the board above his head to the ramp.

“Safety first, Mikey!”

“Okaaaay!” His cheerful chime is followed by a clatter as he puts on his protective gear, a helmet a tad too big for him plastered with several stickers over the cracks, and then his shoulder guards and knee pads. He waves at Donnie, too, but Donnie only gives a nod of acknowledgment, continuing onto his room. Mikey accepts that, and looks at the board’s underside. He’s talking to himself now, not really minding everyone else is on the other side of the lair.

“You know what this could use? Lightning bolts!”

“Ooh.” Leo looked over Raph’s selection of toys, well aware he’s keeping the bear with a tattered little bowtie for himself. Never a shortage of orphaned bears in the junkyard. “Don’t you think you have too many bears already, Raph?”

“Nah.” Raphael laughs, knowing full well that was a rhetorical question. Leo smirks back, then turns to the toys with exaggerated noises of contemplation, eyes circling back to what he saw first to begin with, lifting it up.

“Dibs on pointy horse then.” Leonardo had used to make a big show that he was only using the unicorn print notebook as his journal because its background was blue, but he seemed attached to them as a brand now, the same way the brothers associated bears with Raphael. It took some lectures from Dad, who tiredly stressed there were worse things to be interested in than boys being into “girl things” and stopped them teasing him about it, and so they all learned they shouldn’t really mind if Leo had a fondness for glitter and unicorns. Now that he thinks about it, Leo’s newfound confidence was what allowed him to ask for his childhood teddy bear back when Mikey didn’t need it anymore. He should thank him for that sometime. But Raph felt like it was implied.

“Knew you’d like him.”

“I’ll like him better after he gets a bath.” Leo grins. He was also a bit more sensitive to gross things, he gagged when he saw unappetizing leftovers, and sometimes refused to eat entirely aware that his stomach wouldn’t agree with it. When it came to dust and grime, he didn’t care for it either. Even without the broken leg, he was always the least willing to rummage through trash, only liking the excuse to be under the open sky where the air was less grody.

“Could you help me to my room? You’re here now to look after Mikey, and I’ve been sitting here for aaages.” Leo’s whine is sing-song, and Raph rolls his eyes. His arms are already up begging for the lift before he’s even agreed to it. Not that he’d ever say no to that face.

“You realize, you do have crutches.” They were poised leaning against his chair. Donnie made those, too. Raph shakes off his inadequate feelings, they owed a lot to him, that didn’t mean he didn’t have a part to play. He wasn’t any less of someone they could depend on.

“Yes, but my big brother can carry both me, and my crutches.”

Okay, how can Raph not smile at that. With care, up Leo goes into his arms, and the crutches in his hands. Leo is quiet, clearly bored from his recovery period, but he makes a little show of kicking his non-broken leg to beat away the numbness, and wiggling the unicorn’s front leg. He waits a bit, until they were out of Mikey’s earshot before speaking; not that he tones down his volume.

“So, you two fighting?” Raph cringed, he really hoped it wasn’t that obvious.

“... No.” That was completely unconvincing with the lack of eye contact and Leo knew it. Raph did too. His little brother crosses his arms, while in his big brother’s arms. But he isn’t making any guilt-trippy faces or anything, Leo just stares at him with sharp eyes, laying down the facts.

“C’mon Raph, you can tell me. You know Donnie won’t. At least not without some time.” Raph gently lays his brother onto the bed, then puts the crutches against the wall.

“Y’know you’ll have time, he’s going to check on your leg eventually.” Donnie was the family medic too, he had his books at the ready in some corner of his bookshelves. It wasn’t a topic he necessarily cared for, but read about anyway for their sake. Also, he deals better with blood and panic than the rest of them combined.

Leo breaking his leg from a scavenging incident had elicited a lot, a _lot_ of crying. The first time Raph tried to pick him up, he felt useless when his sharp yelp made it clear that felt worse. Even more so that he wasn’t watching when Leo had made that misstep. Raph knew they had to come home. He had tears staining his face when they finally arrived, and Mikey immediately started sobbing too asking if Leo would still be able to walk. Donnie remained calm, going through a memorized procedure of cleaning his wounds and moving his leg; still and quiet through all of Leo’s anguished sobs. Raph hugged Mikey tight, and blamed himself when explaining it to Splinter when he came home. Pops said accidents happened. Raph still wished they didn’t.

The cast Leo wore now was decorated with doodles from all of them. Mikey, obviously, took up the most space, flowers, a smiling sun, and more in multiple colors. Pops claimed to have put in the Japanese characers for “warrior spirit”. Raph couldn’t think of anything fancy, so he clumsily wrote a generic Get Well message, that given his large hands, still ended up bigger than he intended. Even Donnie included a small ‘watch your step next time’. It was good Leo was healing well. Really good. Raph wouldn’t have known what to do with himself if it was something worse. And Leo’s spirit had healed so much faster. He almost seemed to be making up for the fact he was stuck at home by playing up his cheerful attitude more than ever.

“Eventually isn’t now. Better we solve this now than later!” That wasn’t something Raph could actually argue. But when cornered, there was always one card he could pull that absolutely no one could rebut. Raph flashed a small, reassuring smile, voice hushed but commanding in only the most caring way.

“Just leave this to your big bro, alright?”

Leonardo frowned, “Don’t wanna. But okay, if you say so.”

After making sure to fluff his pillow and elevate his leg, Raph double checks Leo still has everything he needs, some water to drink, and books to read. He tests his lamp’s bright enough too, flicking it on then off. Can’t have his little brothers ruining their eyesight when they aren’t able to go to licensed doctors for eye exams. Leo’s still staring at him.

“Talk to him, okay? Or I’ll kick you with my broken leg.”

“You wouldn’t dare.” Raph cracks a smile at that. It figures he’d threaten bodily harm to spite him. Bodily harm to himself.

“You wouldn’t dare tell me I wouldn’t dare!”

“Have a good nap, Leo.”

“Psh, sure, I’ll nap, but first I’m gonna brush up on mi jokes.” He stretches his arm back to turn the light on, and replace the dusty unicorn in his hand with a pocket guide. Why did they ever let him take that one-liner book from the junkyard. Raph good-naturedly rolled his eyes before fondly patting Leo’s head. Then surprise giving it a big ol’ smooch. Leo laughs, elbowing him lightly that it tickles. He makes him leave with a jovial shove, and he faintly hears the sound of Leo clapping the dust off his fingers.

Raph walked to the central area of the lair, feeling a tinge of dread from its silence. Mikey must have accurately guessed they were fighting too, and went to Donnie to prod what it was about. He really needed to get better at acting that everything was fine. This probably wasn’t that big a deal to begin with, right? And now the little brothers went and got themselves involved. How was Donnie doing, now? The thought of going to see him crosses his mind, but Raph’s heart feels tight.

Better now than later, Leo had said.

* * *

 

Donnie tolerated Mikey’s presence more than his other brothers when he was in a bad mood. It perhaps came with his being the baby sibling, but also that he was so earnest and sensitive that he actively tried to hold his sharp tongue. Not that he didn’t still feel some pang of hurt from fighting with Raphael; they really could have avoided all this if they could read each other’s minds about their insecurities. Donnie briefly wondered if he should note that as a future project. It also helped that compared to Raph and Leo, who would try to draw out the truth of his bad mood to scaled levels of immediate, Mikey was a bit more patient, preferring the method of cheering someone up by distracting them and waiting it out until they were ready or it blows over entirely. Mikey sat on the spare seat in Donnie’s workshop, spinning around in circles. Donnie normally wouldn’t mind it, that someone just hung out in the background as he worked on a new project, but he knew his agenda here.

“C’mon Mikey, I’m fine. You can go skateboard.”

“’m okay! This thing has the same number of wheels!” Donnie smiled at the sight, he remembered that age when he could find entertainment in just about anything. Never mind Mikey was only a year younger than him, the maturity gap was larger. He shrugged nonchalantly (if, for show), he wasn’t Leo at least, he wasn’t going to throw up from motion sickness all over his room’s floors.

Donnie looked over his sketches, then to the materials he just brought home. Being an inventor meant going through several builds, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t hope for earlier success. Explosions may have been fun, but having to collect more parts to specifically continue was less fun. His fingers glide through his concept sketch, putting together some calculations on how much it would weigh, versus the weight he could carry himself. None of them were as strong as Raph, and that came both biologically and from Raph’s scheduling and discipline that allowed him daily workouts. Donnie scoffed, yeah, he should try having all those workout hours and worry about the lair’s electricity, heating, and whatever else falls on his plate because he seems to be talking in a whole other language explaining this to anyone.

There’s a little tap on his arm.

“Forgot to turn your light on, D!”

“Oh, right.” Like Raph would always remind them, for their eyes. Donnie pressed the power button on his lamp, then grabs his pencil again. He stops when he hears the telling footsteps of one elder brother, who also hesitates. Donnie doesn’t breathe. Then he feels Raph’s will drop as he walks away.

He exhales a sigh, Mikey frowns, pushing and pulling at the backrest recklessly. He doesn’t say it, that the brothers need to talk, but Donnie knows what he would have brought up.

“I know, Michael. But later.” Mikey pouts, but chooses to fiddle with the Rubik’s cube from Donnie’s desk. The only one who’s been able to solve it, and at record speeds, was Leo, to Donnie’s scandalized frustration after several fruitless years on his part. He insisted on watching the next couple times he repeated the act, and he never figured out the science to it while Leo laughed at him. But it’s fine, he didn’t have time for idle entertainment puzzles when he had some that could benefit the whole family. Donnie shuts his eyes, aware he really needed to stop being competitive about literally everything.

But he also justifies himself, because he recalls each reminder that Dad gives that he should watch his step, that every sparring session they take it just a little bit easier on him. He gets praised for his work ethic, and his brilliant mind, as if that was entirely separate from the way he’s been training too. Even back then, when he first hurt his shell, he stifled the truth of how much it hurt out of pride. There were no tears, and Donatello vowed to himself he would never cry. He was going to be someone that everybody could count on. That included Dad and Raph.

“Whatcha doing, anyway?” Just as he expected, Mikey wouldn’t be able to keep quiet for the whole period he was here. He was feigning attention to the Rubik’s cube, maybe finding more comfort in being able to keep his hands occupied. Donnie rubs his temples.

“Just a little something that will make me stronger.” He’s a bit emotionally fed up at the moment, but he manages to soften his voice so it was less obvious. Mikey hasn’t yet overstayed his welcome in his workspace, and Donnie would rather not be in conflict with more than one brother at a time. Objectively, he knew he’d have to deal with some heart to heart at some point, but delaying it sounded infinitely better than dealing.

“Huh... But you’re already strong, D.”

“Yeah, try telling Raph that.” His fingers freeze and Donnie grimaced, out the words went, dammit he didn’t actually want to go down that lane. Too late now. Not that Mikey didn’t have a hunch. Mikey only leans forward to the backrest further, contemplative and, thankfully, trying to keep it casual too, not laying on any pressure. Bless his soul. Donnie owes him ice cream once all this blows over.

“Pretty sure he knows that. He’s just our biggest bro, y’know? Bet Leo already talked to him too, asking what’s up.”

“What, like asking to be carried before being able to give you sticker advice wasn’t a dead giveaway.” Donnie turns to the eraser side of his pencil, pressing it against the space between Mikey’s eyes for a second. “That’s the problem with you two, you don’t know how to mind your own businesses.”

Mikey just laughs, “Brother business is everyone’s business!”

And while Donnie swiveled his own chair back in a huff, chin leaned against palm, he knew Mikey wasn’t wrong.

* * *

 

Donnie waits for Raph to approach him for another apology, one that he considers he might accept this time, but Raph doesn’t gain enough willpower to face the probability of upsetting him worse. They eat their leftovers in silence, only giving odd replies to their little brothers when they bring up what they did earlier. Leo was apparently taking up sewing while he couldn’t move anyway, and joked hoping they don’t turn out disastrous, while Mikey showed off some new art pieces of the each of them with hair like Lou Jitsu. Sleep comes harder for all of them. In the night the elder brothers hear Mikey’s footsteps heading over to Leo’s room; no doubt to share notes with each other about their brothers’ deal before falling asleep together. Dad comes home very late, and head straight to his room after dropping off his scavenged goods.

It sucked laying in bed knowing someone was upset at you, and that this affected Leo and Mikey too. Raph sighs, figuring he should go get some air since lying around with his thoughts was useless. It was when he left that Donnie arrived in his room. Donnie doesn’t bother turning on a lamp, he wipes a finger across the shiny metal of Raph’s weights. It really wasn’t fair that just from being born, it was impossible to be equals. And not even that, Donnie’s soft shell was a handicap. They’d take him seriously in many things, but not in what else he was capable of. The only way to change this box he’d been stuffed into, was to beat who was at the top.

At Raph’s bed, Donnie sees his old teddy bear, missing one of its button eyes. He picks Captain Snuggles up thoughtfully. He should go find Raph. But first, he stops over to check on his other brothers. Mikey’s snuggling into Leo, the two of them breathing easy. Mikey will probably roll and fall off before morning, he’s sturdy though. He goes to his room to pick up a pillow to put on Leo’s floor where Mikey will probably land, a little something else and then heads out.

Retracing these steps brings him back to the previous morning, when Raph was really excited about their outing; since according to his horoscope he’d have excellent luck. Donnie didn’t really believe in that star stuff, what especially since you couldn’t even see them in New York he never got the hype surrounding good luck or bad, but whatever made Raph feel better after the mess that had happened in the lair earlier in the week.

The mess that ended with his tech-bo prototype a shattered mess he had to salvage from all over the floor.

And Raph had so casually assumed he could easily make again, a bunch of small, cheap apologies. Donnie had quietly fumed, lied that sure, it needed more testing, it was his bad. Raph didn’t have to break it in a fit that its malfunction would hurt someone else, as if he didn’t factor an emergency shutdown for that situation. He kept that last part to himself, already offended that everyone had so little faith and to just be relieved Raph had saved the day, enthusiastically patting his back. Donnie had it under control. He always had everything under control.

Then why did he feel like the plan he had formulated in his head was a mistake? He was never supposed to doubt himself. Swallow it down, Donnie. No backing out.

Every brother had a designated favorite sulking area, and while Donnie was never the expert at this kind of emotional thing, he had them as memorized as anyone else in the lair. It of course, helped that sometimes he had to escort Leo to do it, whose sense of direction outside the lair left something to be desired. It wouldn’t be too hard to find Raph, assuming he wanted to be found. And Donnie knows his brother well enough that he does, probably by Dad. Time to be the bearer of some bad news, in that regard.

Raph’s favored area was a rooftop. People watching came with equal amounts of entertainment and melancholy for them as mutants, but it was good for keeping one’s mind off other things. Even better was when some pigeons decided to keep him company. He’d brought some food they didn’t finish, breaking them into little crumbs.

“Raph.”

The snapping turtle clenched his fists. Donnie had been quiet. He was putting that training to good use. That was another thing Raphael wasn’t too good at, putting the stealth in the ninjutsu. Raph’s voice is insecure, figuratively walking on eggshells. But they’ll both feel better once this is over with.

“Hey, Donnie.”

“Good evening, Raph. Or morning, actually.” Donnie’s deadpan reply makes Raph shrink further. He glances to the space beside him and taps the floor.

“So uh... Did you wanna sit here? Great spot for people-watchin’.”

“Nah. You remember to bring your sai?”

“’Course I did. One of Pops’ first rules of going outside, don’t go out unarmed.”

“Good.” Donnie takes out his bo, expression serious. His gaze had never once strayed from Raph the second he found him. It makes Raph nervous.

“Wait, what are you- _GAH!_ ” Raph’s reflexes act in time, dodging as the staff was aimed very squarely at pushing him off the roof, with concerning force and speed. The pigeons scatter overhead, their noise is muted by the sound of the city that never sleeps. “Donnie what the shell you doing!?”

“Fight me or the li’l guy gets it.” There is a very, very tiny form in Donnie’s hands that he holds behind him, Raph can’t see it so well in the shadows, Donnie deliberately made it so. But he assumes the worst.

“Is... that Captain Snuggles?” There was legitimate fear in his voice. What was Donnie going on about? What was he going to do to his favorite bear? He knew how precious that toy was to him, Captain got his title from how he survived all the spikes that Raph grew into, where the other bears couldn’t pull through. He had given him to Mikey when he assumed he was too old to need him, until he realized sleep still didn’t come easy without Snuggles in the room.

“No, no no. I know as precious as Captain Snuggles is, he’s not enough of a hostage.”

Evidently, Raph was wrong about his definition of the worst. Silhouette now clear, it was the unicorn plush he had excitedly picked up for Leo. The one he thought was the good luck his horoscope must have been talking about. Bears, as much as he adored them, were a dime a dozen. Dumped unicorns still maintaining that glittery sheen on their horn were far rarer. It was a gift for an excitable, active little brother who was presently stuck at home for recovery for the foreseeable future; more specifically at this moment, sound asleep with their baby brother drooling on the floor, keeping him company.

“You wouldn’t _dare._ ” Raph hissed. Donnie shrugs, wiggling his tiny prospective victim.

“I would dare. Takes one little toss down to those streets at the intersection, it’s run over beyond repair. So fight back, big brother.”

“Fine. But I still hate we can’t just _talk this out_.” Raph’s anger was seething, and he drew his sai. Donnie takes the initiative with the first attack, Raph swung, and countered. When had it escalated to this? Why didn’t he see Donnie’s pent up stress sooner? He hid it behind a calm face, but it should have been obvious. He was his big brother. Donnie’s impact against his face was hard, it stings. But not as much as Raph’s wracked up guilt.

Donnie saw Raph and saw an obstacle. His brother was there of course, but he needed to learn this. He needed to learn, like they all needed to learn, that they always have to take him seriously. He blocks Raph’s punch, and flips overhead with his pole, delivering a kick from behind that sends Raphael to one knee. Raphael gets up, agony written over his face. He hated this. He really, really hated this. Donatello thought the same, but he only wore a slightly altered expression from before. One of being very, very tired of waiting.

“You really aren’t taking me seriously. Have it your way.”

No. No no no.

 _“_ _Donnie, don’t”_ doesn’t come out of his throat as Donnie tosses the doll away behind him. Raph charges forward, Donnie stops him with his staff, and he shoves back. Raph’s heels actually slide through the floor. Donnie’s strong. He was bigger than anyone else, but Donnie knew exactly where to target. None of them ever fought this seriously during spars. They were practically playing around all the time, unless--

Unless they were told to take it easy on Donnie.

Donatello would stay long past after Dad had dismissed them, training himself. Images of passing by him flash through Raph’s mind. He perfected his form. He tirelessly swung his bo, he rested very briefly, then kept on going. Donnie’s attack is relentless, he doesn’t speak at all. Raph is trapped on the defensive. He begins to understand, through each blow, a frustration that wasn’t admitted, an objection he had swallowed down. It was all being released now. And he’s washed with a feeling of pride, in having such a strong-willed brother, who surpassed everything that everyone expected of him and more. The best thing he could do was return his request, with fervor. He flips his sai around, it hooks and forces Donnie’s weapon down. Raph meets Donnie’s eyes with a smile.

“I understand now, Donnie. And I ain’t letting you beat me easy.”

Donnie grins widely in return. “About damn time.”

* * *

 

Things considered, New York skies are pretty crap. It was still an okay thing to stare at though, with the absent blinking red of a radio tower, and a plane flying in the far distance. Raph and Donnie lay on the roof leaning against the staircase door, bruised but satisfied. The only thing that would make this moment better was a pizza to eat in silence. Maybe some ice in certain sore areas. And for it to have not had a victim.

“I still can’t believe you murdered a unicorn over this. You've got a lot to explain to Leo.” Only Donnie would. But his brother blinks vacantly, brought back to earth, before formulating his verbose sentences of defense.

“Huh? No. Pointy’s fine.”

“--What.”

“Sooo when I checked on our kid brothers? They were awake when I brought Mikey an extra pillow. Talked stuff out about you not taking me seriously and wanting a proper fight, so Leo gave me the idea. Destroying Snuggles would make you mad at me for a decade, but he was right you still wouldn’t fight back over him. Then... he let me borrow Pointy. And threaten him. As long as Mikey was actually there to catch him while you were distracted.”

Raph stared dumbly, both in complete disbelief and extremely upset at how much that made sense with how ruthless Donnie acted.

“... You’re kidding.” Donnie stays quiet, not facing him.

He squints with a sigh, Donnie doesn’t even sound the least bit guilty. And perhaps he was justified, since he’d straight up not only been gotten permission, but was fed the idea. And here he was worried about that little ingrate, he feels like an absolute fool. Then Mikey decided to be a sneak behind his back too. Okay, Raph can’t even think all these seriously, they did all this out of love so they could punch things out. He was going to noogie all the mischief out of them. What a long night. They probably came up with this whole thing within a half hour.

“Well, I theoretically owed him big-time if it went awry.”

“There’s gotta be better ways to get me to fight you than pissing me off and conspiring with the rest of our brothers.” Seriously, he wished Donnie could have just asked. But suffice to say if it took this much effort, he must have known that wouldn't fly. Raph turned to Donnie’s still contemplative expression, trying to lay on a bit of praise to balance out the griping. “So long as we’re like. Talking feelings. I don’t think it’d shock you too much I wish I could handle things the way you do.”

“Not really, but I’ll indulge you with an _‘Oh?’_ ” Raph snickers, punching Donnie’s shoulder lightly. In turn, he dramatizes its push.

“All that research readin’ that’d just gimme a headache, workin’ on stuff even when they get... dangerous and I. Freaked out and broke your new bo before it hit anyone while it was flying around. But... you really are good at fixing things, it’s what you used to clobber me in the noggin tonight, right? Felt harder than it used to. Probably heavier on your hands. You musta worked hard in those training after hours.” Donnie looked touched, appreciative even, smiling at the floor. Raph reclined, voice sadder; the memories were still vivid and he felt they would continue to be, for a long time. He speaks of the other accident slower. “And, when Leo broke his leg and you were just on it like a pro. Wish I could’ve done that instead of just, lying to both him and me while he was in my arms that it was gonna be ok while I couldn’t do nothin’ or even be sure.”

Donnie leans forward, facing Raph with a frown.

“Are you kidding me? I was as freaked out as the rest of you, what if I don’t remember right, what if his bone heals wrong? I look like I know what I’m doing but it’s because I have to, half the time. Just because I’m not wearing it on my face, doesn’t mean I’m not absolutely losing my shit.”

“... Donnie.”

“Aw, f-- Right. Yeah, sorry.” Donnie rubs the back of his head awkwardly. But Raph only cracks a smile. Weird to think he’d been both overestimating and underestimating Donnie. He might have made this show of being all stoic and cool, but it just made it nicer when his real self comes out.

“You hoggin’ Pops’ TV?” No grilling tonight, just the elder brothers having a long, long overdue talk. It was nice. Donnie waves his hand dismissively.

“No, I just found the Jupiter Jim tie-in comics. That are rated R-15. And might’ve not told anyone.”

“Share and I’ll forgive you.”

“So long as Leo and Mikey don’t find out. They’re too squeamish for the stuff that don’t make it for TV. Mikey would definitely screech while reading.”

“You don’t think Mikey’s listening in right now?”

“... Jeez, I hope not. I swore.”

They both chuckle at the mental image of Mikey stifling a gasp. But, for real, he better be home. They didn’t need him getting in trouble at these unholy hours too. He could still feign innocence, the two of them had tell-tale bruises that something was up. Donnie pressed his thumbs together.

“Well. I’ve got things I’m good at, you’ve got things you’re good at. I can deal with the technical stuff, you can deal with like. Being there for the rest of us. All that emotional junk that I can’t seem to get even if I looked it up.”

“Nah, we both growin’, dude. We don’t need to put ourselves in boxes. We’re on the evolution journey to being the ultimate big bros.” Raph wonders absently, if they’d ever find an intact mug labeled as _#1 Big Brother_ one day, or a blank that he could give to Mikey to paint. He’d be happy to keep it, but be even happier to give it to Donnie. He should keep checking his horoscope for lucky days. “I’m really glad we’re talking, Donnie. And doing genuine tussling, I guess. I’m not underestimatin’ you again.”

Donnie laughs, “I’m glad too. But, for the record, I won, right?”

Raph huffed, “Unfairly. I had an emotional handicap at the beginning. And the middle. You owe me a rematch. Maybe after we’re ungrounded.”

“Sure. Guess we better get home, huh?”

“Probs. But we’re already in trouble. Let’s just keep watching the sky a bit longer.”

“No arguments there.”

The two relaxed, falling back into silence and letting the clouds pass by overhead. No arguments at all. Raph quietly pretends the next plane is a shooting star, and makes a wish. A wish that nothing will ever tear them apart. But if no shooting star could promise them that, then that was fine. Because then he’d take it into his own hands, and make sure of it. Make sure of it with Dad, and Donnie.

**Author's Note:**

> I really wanted to end the fic on the rooftop, but just for everyone’s trivia, Leo sewed a little eyepatch for Captain Snuggles as an apology for deceiving Raph. He was extremely happy and lightened chewing them out as a result.
> 
> For “Battle”, “Victory”, and “Trick”! ... And by complete accident, “Injury” on Leo, whew. I managed to write fics for Mikey and Leo, but since I didn’t finish Leo’s in time for Week 2 and stretched to 3, I had to put the two elder brothers together in a thematic fic about responsibility, strength, and inferiority complexes between siblings for the last Turtober. I think it must have been destiny, because I really loved writing this.
> 
> I see a lot of people be super delicate with Donnie or enjoy protectiveness headcanons with regard to the brothers, but I do read him as coded with disability, so I don’t think he’d overly enjoy being overly coddled! This fic happened as a result, lashing out against Raph who’s just coming from a genuine place of caring. There’s a really blurry line between innocent headcanon and accidental infantilizing. I am glad, for canon’s part, they are letting him ~shine~! And Raph, bless his heart, is trying his best to be a good eldest brother. Donnie is consciously antagonistic in this fic in some areas, but I do hope I didn’t go overboard! I feel like it’s just par for the course when it comes to the things you don’t say to your siblings. It happens to anyone. At the end of the day, they love each other for all their differences.
> 
> Looking forward to perhaps doing this again next year! In the meanwhile, more fics are on their way, along with the continuation of Your Sword is Your Soul.


End file.
